Thursday, March 5, 2009

life, work and the pursuit of happiness

You may have noticed that my blog has been a lot less Modern June stuff, and a lot more family/life stuff--that is because a tide has turned. In January, while still suffering from Holiday Burn Out, I had the best January a small biz could hope for. That should be good right? I found I had burn out on top of my burn out. Double burn out is not good for the creative soul or for the family.

January was supposed to be about the kids, and getting school back on track. That didn't happen, thanks to the custom tablecloth-palooza. In February, I fought to lessen my load but I unexpectedly lost a great stitcher and assistant to her own creative work, CPSIA happened (depressing), and the orders kept pouring in. Instead of taking better care of the kids, I was working my tush off. The stress of working, teaching, and all the other jobs a wife and mother has was killing me.

What about all the great ideas that I really want to see produced? The new lines just weren't happening. Something had to give. I took down all the tablecloth listings and found relief. (back up now) Two weeks of wrapping things up in the studio was great.

Even greater was the reconnection with my family. Wow, the pay off was immediate, school was great, chores were done with almost no compliant, and loads of fun was had. Since I am not in the studio every night, Don and I are actually eating dinner together and we have started having date nights again.

So what next? Honestly, I am so confused, I'm totally wishy-washy on that subject. I have told friends and family that the business is a hobby again and not on the fast track to becoming something bigger. But, on the other hand, I can't keep my brain from dreaming and wanting to create great new stuff. Silly me feels unloved when my inbox is not full of emails and orders, but I feel very thankful that I don't have to work until midnight every night to get product out. I am very torn. Why isn't it enough to be a wife and mother?

I have a show coming up very soon, what on earth will I have to sell? If I do have something to sell will I have taken care of my kids, hubby and home? This is what it is all about isn't it? Questions, guilt and the endless search for balance. For now I have no answers, lot's of guilt and a quest for balance!!!

xoxox, Kelly

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